So we are only 25 days away from Tessa’s 1st b-day. How crazy is that. What a year it has been. I do not know if I will every experience anything again that was as hard as the last year. It is strange how life just continues to move on we really do not have a choice.
I think that ultimately success of an individual is determined by the way that they chose to move forward. One can sit in the current stink that they are in or a person can take steps to move through the current situation that they are in. I am very proud that H and I have chosen to just put one foot in front of the other and continue with life. I do think this year has been the most challenging and difficult time in my marriage. I remember H saying when we first found out about Tessa that the divorce rate for folks with special needs kids is way higher than the normal divorce rate. H and I have had some very hard times. I think we lost when it came to communicating about our relationship. We were quick to fight and not quick to support. I do not believe that we told each other how much we appreciated them being there to get through the situation. Life just started going and we went with it. But, who know how we did. I am very happy to report that H and I are doing very well right now. It took some time, I think we both kinda needed to heal a bit from everything. I do not know if we ever realized how hard things were. Life then starts going.
Some friends of ours were in the NICU in the 83642 for a week. The other day I went to the NICU to visit them. It was harder than I expected to be back. I got to see some of the day crew that interacted with H more and provided care for Tessa. It is always fun to show them new photos of Tessa and how she is growing. My friends in the NICU were in good hands. I talked with them about there experiences in the NICU and then they asked about Tessa’s stay. They are a new group of friends for about the last 9 months so they really did not know the full Tessa story. So, I began to tell the Tessa story. I so totally got hard to telling the whole story. I started at the 20 Wk ultrasound, then amniocentesis, weekly high risk ultrasounds, the c section experience, brain surgery, a 56 day NICU stay flying to Duke medical for a very experimental treatment and current weekly OT and PT appointments. Talking about it all again made everything very really. However, in the moment you do not realize how much is going on. Life then starts going.
It is funny, life still is based on how Tessa is “doing” folks aways ask. At times it kinda brings me down a bit. I am not sure why it brings me down. Maybe it is because when I am around her all the time, then I do not see her Hydrocephalus. But when folks ask, it makes me wonder if my little gal is ok or not. I believe that Tessa is doing great! But, when asked it does make me question things. But life then starts going again.
I hope to do a year in review, well I guess year and 15 weeks in review soon. It may be a combo post between my wife, friends and other folks. It would be fun to have other perspectives of the last year and what people have seen/learned via little Tessa. I have had a friend say that Tessa has made his faith in God and Christ more real. Kinda a funky lesson, but I know that God and Christ have great plans for Tessa Hope. She is doing things that Dr’s never said she would do, so if that increased faith or her just being increases faith then I am good with it. So, I am taking story submissions via e-mail at mcolsen@boisestate.edu.
The year in review should be exciting. I have done a bad job at updates as of late. Sorry about that. I had mentioned that I was going to do better but I guess life then starts going.
